So Katie just left. She came in, woke me up, told me she loved me, and drove away from my life here. She's so brave! I could never do that, so straight faced and all by myself. I guess if I had to I could but I could never choose to.
She loves me.
I've been sitting here, crying and boobing, and listening to my house be too quiet and I realized that I have a huge fault. I become so dependent on other people. When we lived in Texas, it was Melissa, my TX BFF, then in GA it was Felicia, my GA BFF...here it was Katie. I crave someone to be my constant. I was thinking that it was so sad that she left because its so quiet here, and I'll be alone all day and yadda yadda. But I think its that I'm afraid to be so alone. Sure, Keith's here at night but by now I wanted to have rugrats running around and a full house and I don't. It's disappointing. I will miss having Katie here...no doubt. I'll miss Holly meowing and rubbing all over my leg and then being the biggest snob when I go to love on her. I'll miss knowing that Katie is "somewhere" in this house if I want to talk to her or need her. I'll miss the amazing relationship we've developed by being so close and doing everything together. I'll do my best to keep that relationship alive. But now I'm also going to have to be a big girl. I'm ashamed to say that while she was here it seemed like she was the big sister sometimes. I would just cast that thought aside with "ah, shes just a good helper" or something that is definately true but not to be used as an excuse. Katie is so good at taking care of people that I didnt even have to think about it happening.
Katie made my last 2 months here light up and I will always cherish that and be so grateful to her. I owe her for my happiness here.
Now its up to me to make it for myself and that scares me. Keith's leaving sometime in the next couple months for 2 months or so and then it will really be just me and my animals and since I've been alone before I know I can handle life but I sure don't know how I'm going to do it and handle being alone. I'm afraid I'll sink into my little pod and just kind of exist out here instead of be in the world.
I had a job interview the other day for a full time call center type job at a small pest control company. It's an hour commute but 30K we didn't have before. Katie even went to the job interview with me and sat in the car with Edward (u know what i mean Michelle) while I did the interview. I hope I get the job because that's a reason for me to leave the house regularly and meet people, get out and do something. I'm afraid that if I don't have a reason to be "out there" I'll find a reason to stay "in here".
So basically, Katie is gone. I'm afraid. Grow up Kim...right?!
She loves me.
I've been sitting here, crying and boobing, and listening to my house be too quiet and I realized that I have a huge fault. I become so dependent on other people. When we lived in Texas, it was Melissa, my TX BFF, then in GA it was Felicia, my GA BFF...here it was Katie. I crave someone to be my constant. I was thinking that it was so sad that she left because its so quiet here, and I'll be alone all day and yadda yadda. But I think its that I'm afraid to be so alone. Sure, Keith's here at night but by now I wanted to have rugrats running around and a full house and I don't. It's disappointing. I will miss having Katie here...no doubt. I'll miss Holly meowing and rubbing all over my leg and then being the biggest snob when I go to love on her. I'll miss knowing that Katie is "somewhere" in this house if I want to talk to her or need her. I'll miss the amazing relationship we've developed by being so close and doing everything together. I'll do my best to keep that relationship alive. But now I'm also going to have to be a big girl. I'm ashamed to say that while she was here it seemed like she was the big sister sometimes. I would just cast that thought aside with "ah, shes just a good helper" or something that is definately true but not to be used as an excuse. Katie is so good at taking care of people that I didnt even have to think about it happening.
Katie made my last 2 months here light up and I will always cherish that and be so grateful to her. I owe her for my happiness here.
Now its up to me to make it for myself and that scares me. Keith's leaving sometime in the next couple months for 2 months or so and then it will really be just me and my animals and since I've been alone before I know I can handle life but I sure don't know how I'm going to do it and handle being alone. I'm afraid I'll sink into my little pod and just kind of exist out here instead of be in the world.
I had a job interview the other day for a full time call center type job at a small pest control company. It's an hour commute but 30K we didn't have before. Katie even went to the job interview with me and sat in the car with Edward (u know what i mean Michelle) while I did the interview. I hope I get the job because that's a reason for me to leave the house regularly and meet people, get out and do something. I'm afraid that if I don't have a reason to be "out there" I'll find a reason to stay "in here".
So basically, Katie is gone. I'm afraid. Grow up Kim...right?!
1 comment:
oh, you'll do fine, but I know what you mean, if I didn't have kids to get me out, I'd probably never go out except maybe to the library to get more books to read. Chin up, lovely lady, make friends and keep striving to do the things you need to do to get yourself babies.
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